Grapevine Right, Grapevine Left

The great thing about subbing for Mr. H is that he has a stereo system set up in his classroom. Like, with mounted speakers and a receiver with lots of buttons to push and knobs to turn. He even has a turntable. Straight up.

So, we started out class with a little Dave Matthews. We're chillin' to Dave. We're kickin' it. And then somebody broke out a country CD and, despite all the moaning and groaning about country music, I put it on (annoying kids IS my job, after all).

And, boy, were the kids complaining. At first. Until some kid said, "Hey! This is an Electric Slide song." And I said, "Reeeealllly. Well, why don't you teach us that Electric Slide?"

And he DID. We moved some desks and the kid got up and TAUGHT the Electric Slide. And some kids actually participated. It was so bizarre. There were gangstas learning to line dance. And if that isn't comedy, I don't know what it.

It Wasn't Mine

Subbing for P.E. is such a joy.

Today, my class of 50 kids, plus two other classes, crammed into the gym where the kids could play badminton, basketball, and/or go to the weight room.

The main problem with having 150 kids in the gym, as a sub, is that you have no idea which kids belong to you and which kids belong to the other teachers. This is especially bad if there is more than one sub in the gym, because then nobody really knows which kid belongs to which teacher.

In other words:

I do not know if it was one of my kids who spilled a Coca-Cola all over the basketball court, resulting in two kids slipping (who also may or may not have been mine).

I do not know if it was one of my kids who built a pyramid of spit-out sunflower seeds in the middle of the gym floor.

I do not know if it was one of my kids who smashed a Pop Tart under the bleachers.

And I do not know if it was one of my kids who removed all of the strings from a badminton racket and was swinging it around his arm like a miniature, arm-version of the Skip-It.

It was a fabulous day.

Fashionable

16 out of 24 kids in 2nd period were out of dress code today. I didn't do anything about it because I choose my battles wisely and it is not worth making a big deal over a bare midriff or a pair of sagging jeans (the two most common dress code violations).

Kids are now wearing these at school, which they program to say all kinds of dumb stuff:

Rugged

So, three boys were in the corner of my classroom playing hacky sack with a cell phone.

Me: Um, what are you guys doing?

Boy: Playing hacky sack.

Me: With a cell phone?

Boy: Uh-huh.

Me: Isn't that a bad idea?

Boy: Nah. It's a Nextel. It won't break.

Okee dokee.

Incredible

Finally, Spring Break has arrived!

Spring break should have started three days ago, which was when all the teachers decided to quit teaching and start showing videos.

The teachers have two main responses to why they show movies in class:
1. It is a well deserved break for hard working kids
2. It fits into the curriculum

Now, the "well deserved break" excuse is just really silly. Isn't that the point of Spring Break? Why don't we just start Spring Break three days early and not show up at all? The kids could all sit in their pjs and pop in a video and get the same education right in their very own living room.

As for the curriculum excuse--it sounds good, but does it really happen? You judge.

Here are the movies I saw this week.
The Incredibles. 5 times.
X-Men 2
The Indian in the Cupboard

I pulled Ace Ventura out of a teacher's VCR. The class next door was watching Kermit the Frog. Napoleon Dynamite was playing somewhere on campus.

Very educational, folks!

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Next Installment of Sub Confessions: I answer the question--why are our state test scores so low?

Oh wait. I already did.